A few weeks ago during a shoot I struggled so much with my posing. I felt stagnant because I was repeating the same poses over and over again. I went home and visualized what I wanted myself to look like. I wanted to be graceful, elegant, and natural. I knew I had a shoot coming up with Tim and I wanted to do something different…I needed to do something different to make myself excited again, something inspiring. I called Tim up, told him my vision, and he was on board. Game Time.
This photo set has been the most meaningful to me because it has been the most raw. As someone that has struggled for many years with body image, I look at these photos and I am proud of my journey. Being proud of myself is the best feeling I have ever felt, being in love is a close second. I was very specific in what I wanted these photos to portray. I wanted my scars to show and be highlighted. I even asked for shots of my butt to show that I have stretch marks too. I don’t know exactly when my tiger stripes appeared but they are here to stay.
Tim was my only choice photographer for this set because he knows me. He knows how I feel about myself and he is always supportive of me. We agreed a long time ago that my scars are mine and do not get edited out. I really appreciate him for this. “The Revolution is Here” is more than just Modelemi Agency’s tagline…it’s the truth! It is inclusive!
I am happy I am at this point, but I also get sad when I think about why it was so hard for me to get here and why it took so long. People are cruel and they say extremely hurtful things that made me want to hide, made me feel less than them. I let them win. But then I get happy again because I have so much support from family and friends and people that I do not even know that send me nice messages online.
My goal for modeling was never to become rich and famous. It is so much deeper than that, the purpose is beyond me but I do believe I am a piece of the puzzle. If I don’t make as a model that shakes up the industry, I will cheer on the models who did and I currently applaud the models who are fiercely making their way in the industry.
I don’t know where these photos will go or who will see them, but I look at them almost daily as a reminder to myself that I can achieve what I want.
Create your own ideals of beauty!