*Orginally Posted on Instagram on August 15*
This particular morning Jean and I woke up early to catch the sun rise over Marfa. We drove down highway 90 until we reached a clear sky free of buildings and other obstructions. We laid a blanket down in a field and found a lonely butterfly wing in the grass. Jean put it on my face and snapped some profiles. When I scrolled through the photos I was reminded of how evident my scars are with my hair pulled back and without makeup on. I often forget how obvious they are until I see myself on a screen which is weird because this is me, fuzzy edges, oily skin, chapped lips, bad posture, natural me.
My scars are discolored, some are thick and raised, some are shiny, some are dull, they dont match the texture of my regular skin, and sometimes they even hurt. I’ve mentioned before on a previous Instagram post about how much I used to despise my markings and how I would purposefully wear my hair in a way to hide them on my face.
I still find myself posing with my head turned slightly to the left as to shadow them. You know the saying…old habits die slow. It’s getting better though because now they just remind me how awesome my body is. Scars are proof of an extraordinary bodily function of healing itself. When wounded our bodies release collagen to mend the break in skin…how amazing is that?
My worst injuries, now healed and strong, bare a scar to carry on the story of tragedy and resilience that I never want to forget, repress, or dissociate from. The scars, in a way, mean life. I got to live…and I FEEL so alive 🎉
Physical scars are apparent, but lets not forget about the scars we can’t see. Emotional wounds leave scars too. Heartbreak, abuse, loss, stress, bullying, and all other trauma are experiences that can hurt worse than physical pain sometimes.
We all need our coping skills to help us when life is being…life. Coping skills are just that, a skill! They take time to develop and you have to practice, practice, practice. So, what is your collagen for emotional wounds? What helps you? What drives you? What makes you feel alive?
My sweet mother really wanted me to post this on the blog after I gave her the preview of the website. She said to add the “writing about scars”.